Painful Times
by QofNaboo
Summary: End of TPM. Final follow up to "Obi Meets His Match." Obi returns to Coruscant after Qui's death, meets with Cadi again. I hate summaries, just read it!


Disclaimer: I own nada, ask the guy in the flannel. Cadi is mine I guess, I do own myself don't I? As I've said in the previous stories, you can credit her physical characteristics to Da2187Leia. "Wonderwall" is by Oasis (Ewan's favorite band! Woohoo!).  
  
Storyline: You might want to read the first two ("Obi Meets His Match"/"Space + Time = Relationship Killer"), but you can get the gist without them I think. This one takes place at the very end/directly after TPM, which would be five years after "S + T = RK." Obi returns to Coruscant after the parade, struggling to cope with his loss and his gained Knighthood and Padawan all at once. Cadi goes to welcome him, learns of Qui's death. I'll let you read the rest. Enjoy!  
  
*Painful Times*  
  
***  
  
Cadi felt as if she were walking on air. After five too-long years of mission after mission, she finally had a few days' time to spend with Obi-Wan, who was returning today from a mission on Naboo. Every fiber in her being longed to be with him again.  
  
She had her own place now; she had been granted her Knighthood just a month ago. The other day she'd bought candles by the dozen, and now she set them around the room so that they surrounded her bed.  
  
She was so excited! Obi and Qui had spoken with Council in the middle of their mission, and now there were rumors that Obi's succession to Knighthood was very near. She'd tried to see him then, but they'd taken off again almost immediately afterwards.  
  
Despite her excitement, Cadi couldn't ignore the feeling that something was wrong. Almost the entire Council had made an emergency trip to Naboo yesterday, and had not yet returned. Since then people had been speaking in whispers; it was an eerie feeling.  
  
But no bother, nothing could keep her from giving Obi-Wan the welcome home he deserved.  
  
Satisfied at last with her room, Cadi left to meet him. The ship he and many of the Council members were on was scheduled to dock in a matter of minutes.  
  
"Cadi!" a sudden voice called from behind her. Cadi spun around to find her former Master and good friend, Guendea Shibby, rushing to catch her.  
  
"Guendea! I'm finally going to see him again!" she squealed ecstatically as the Jedi Master approached.  
  
"There's something you should know," Guendea said gravely, "I just received word that-"  
  
"Oh no," Cadi uttered, fearing the worst.  
  
"Qui-Gon was killed on Naboo," Guendea finished with a pained sigh.  
  
"What?" Cadi squinted in disbelief. Then it hit her: that was the disturbance she'd been feeling. A cold, hard lump formed in her throat- it seemed too terrible to believe. Before she knew it she was sprinting down the corridor to the docking bay, Guendea calling out after her.  
  
She barely waited for the doors to open before she dashed through them. The ship had already landed; he was walking down the ramp now. Boots thudding on the platform, Cadi ran dead on to meet him. His crystalline blue/green/gray eyes lifted under heavy lids to notice her, just as she threw herself into his arms. She wrapped her arms tightly around his neck and whispered comfort to him. But he was not hugging back, his arms limp at his sides.  
  
"Obi-Wan I'm sorry," Cadi offered, "he meant so much to me, even more to you…" she released him to gaze into his eyes, searching for his sentiments.  
  
There were none there. His eyes were cold, emotionless, seemingly looking past her at nothing in a disconnected fashion. He did not speak a word.  
  
There was a boy behind him. He looked about nine, dressed in brand new robes, hair freshly cropped in the Padawan style.  
  
"Master Obi-Wan?" the child said questioningly.  
  
"Go with Council, Anakin," Obi spoke for the first time, his voice bland and robotic, "they will show you around the Temple." The boy complied nonetheless and took stride next to Adi Galia.  
  
"He's your-" Cadi began.  
  
"Let's go," he cut her off, "I need to get away from everyone- now."  
  
Cadi was startled by his behavior, but she guessed it was a result of the trauma he'd been through. Trying to be consoling, she obeyed and led him to her apartment. She felt foolish now for having set up her room the way she did, there was no way he'd be in the mood to do much of anything.  
  
"I only heard a few minutes ago," she tried to explain, "I'd set up the room for a happier occasion-"  
  
Her words were broken off as he suddenly grabbed her, delivering a long, hard kiss. It was much more forceful of him than she was used to, almost aggressive, it alarmed her. But she said nothing, she couldn't expect him to be the same after what had happened on Naboo. He picked her up and set her down on the bed, fingers working on her clothes. Not wanting him to mistake her idleness for dispassion, she reciprocated as best she could.  
  
He kissed his way down her body with an untamed hunger as he pulled the sheets around them. His strong hands held her against him; one cradling her head as the other caressed the small of her back. She was his now.  
  
***  
  
Obi watched Cadi sleep. He envied how peaceful she looked; he hadn't slept like that in days. In fact, he'd barely slept at all since that fateful day. He ran his fingers through a loose tress of her hair thoughtfully. He realized now that she was all he had left of his past. He wanted to tell her he loved her- that he'd missed her and thought of her every day they were apart…  
  
But he couldn't, because now he was afraid that if he loved her, he would lose her. Ever since Qui-Gon's death he'd felt so empty, so cold inside. It was as if he had been the one that died. Even when they'd made love just now, however hard he tried, he did not feel- he could not feel.  
  
His touch stirred her, her violet eyes emerging from her long dark lashes. She gave him a gentle smile and caressed his cheek with the back of her hand. "Hey you," she murmured, a new twinkle in the way she looked at him. He wanted to smile and say something back, something clever or charming as he usually did. He wanted to thank her for understanding, for still loving him, for not treating him like the mental patient he'd recently resembled…  
  
But none of these thoughts became words; he just stared vaguely at her in silence. Picking up on his idleness, Cadi changed position to rest her head on his chest; to listen to the sound of his heartbeat. She tentatively began to run her fingers up and down his forearm, a trick that had she'd always found soothing.  
  
"Obi," she whispered, trying to hide how concerned she was for him- and failing, "I understand if you don't feel like talking…"  
  
Now that was a change. Since the battle, everyone he'd seen wanted to know what happened, and wouldn't leave him alone until he'd recited the entire story- in perfect detail, nonetheless. Then, of course, they would offer him shallow condolences and poorly attempted to care. Even his friends looked at him strangely nowadays, as if he had some bizarre disease.  
  
But not Cadi, she understood. She didn't need to hear the story in order to feel sorry for him; she didn't need him to speak to know how he was feeling.  
  
"Hey!" she was saying as he snapped back into reality, "Cadi to Fuzzy-Wan, come back to me fuzz head!" she mussed his hair.  
  
"Mm?" was all he could come up with in his lethargic state.  
  
"I was asking how long it's been since you've slept," she filled him in.  
  
"Oh," he murmured as he struggled to think that far back, "maybe a few days, no- maybe a week- I don't know," he fumbled.  
  
"Do you want me to help you sleep?" she touched his temple thoughtfully.  
  
"No- I- yes- I don't know," he muddled absently again.  
  
"You're tired," she stated, and Obi began to feel waves of relaxation flowing into his mind.  
  
"No," he whispered, "the nightmares-"  
  
"I'll watch you," she soothed, "I'm here." And with that, Obi slipped into the blackness of sleep.  
  
***  
  
He was floating above his body, watching as Cadi lay attentively by his side. She intently watched for any signs that his sleep was disturbed, occasionally sending more waves of relaxation and reassurance to his unconscious.  
  
She is too good for me he thought as he gazed on.  
  
She will not live forever a dark, unsettling voice whispered in his mind's ear.  
  
Neither will I he returned, wondering where this voice was coming from.  
  
But she will not live for much longer, if she stays with you the dark voice taunted.   
  
Shut up! he snapped back at it You don't know that he argued.  
  
Oh, but I do retorted the whisper Anyone you love, and loves you in return, is doomed. She will die for your mistakes, as Qui-Gon died, and you will watch helplessly  
  
No! he fought the voice as best he could, but couldn't help finding sense in its words That's not true! That's impossible!  
  
Search your feelings, the voice whispered easily, you know it to be true.  
  
He did, and he also knew he had to stop it. He must not let it happen, no more would die for his failures.  
  
How can I save her? he asked the mysterious voice.  
  
Hurt her it stated simply, as if the answer should be obvious to him.  
  
Never he growled back immediately.  
  
Hurt her to save her the voice explained, She will not leave you otherwise, and if she stays…  
  
Alright, fine he surrendered But she will not understand-  
  
She's not supposed to it hissed.  
  
Enough of you Obi retorted darkly Leave me.  
  
As you wish…  
  
***  
  
"Obi-Wan!" Cadi was shouting, "Wake up!"  
  
He jolted awake with a shout, finding he was drenched in sweat. His breathing was all out of control, his eyes darting madly about.  
  
"What happened to you?" Cadi asked franticly, "I thought I'd kept the nightmares from coming-" she trailed off.  
  
His breathing falling back under control, Obi eased himself back down onto the pillow. It had to be now. He had to save her now, before it was too late.  
  
"Obi?" she was saying softly, her hand gripping his shoulder.  
  
Yes, it had to be now. He couldn't let her keep caring for him like this. He did not deserve her love, and she did not deserve to die for him. "Don't touch me," he uttered, his voice sounding alien. Not waiting to watch for her reaction, he sat up again and began to pull his belongings together.  
  
"What?" she said in disbelief.  
  
"I'm leaving you," he said softly, wanting so badly not to do this to her, "I don't need you anymore."  
  
Her mouth hung open in shock for a long moment. Then, blinking hard, she scooped up an under tunic from the floor, only belatedly realizing it was his, and walked over to face him.  
  
"Okay," she stated as she stood before him. Obi couldn't look at her, he kept his head down as he dressed. "You can leave now," she continued in a strained voice, "and when the Obi-Wan Kenobi that I know comes back, he can give me the apology he owes me." She was visibly fighting down her anger, the muscles in her throat quivering slightly.  
  
He stood up then, directly facing her. With great effort he brought his eyes up to hers, staring at her as coldly as he could manage. He hated himself; she'd done nothing to earn this. All she'd done was love him, and now look at what he was doing, "I owe you nothing," he bit out in a trembling whisper, "and you are nothing to me."  
  
He did not anticipate the blow she delivered across his face. It was forceful, her open hand powered by her unleashed anger. It stung him more in his heart than it did his face, but he just swallowed as he turned with the slap.  
  
***  
  
"You say that again," Cadi growled threateningly. Slowly, he blinked, his head swiveling so that he was again facing her. His eyes stabbed into her like a thousand icy daggers. Who was this monster standing before her? This was not her Obi-Wan, to whom she'd given everything- her time, her heart, and now her virginity. Something had possessed him; she could see it- feel it.  
  
"Goodbye, Cadi," he walked past her and left. She stood there for a long while, not knowing what to do. She couldn't think, the workings of her brain consumed with shock and fear. Uncontrollably she picked up one of the candles, a red one in a glass holder, and hurled it at he door Obi had just left through. It smashed against it, the glass shattering in a brilliant sparkling cloud of shards, the flame going out as hot crimson wax splattered all over the door and nearby walls. As she watched it drip down the walls until it cooled and hardened, Cadi bitterly noticed how much it resembled blood.  
  
***  
  
Obi-Wan heard something smash against the door as he walked slowly down the hallway. He paused when he heard it, but heard nothing follow it and kept going.  
  
You've done well Obi shivered as the dark voice returned to him.  
  
Leave me alone he thought back forcefully You just destroyed what little life I had left  
  
It was for the best it continued, ignoring his plea.  
  
I want to be alone Obi repeated.  
  
Oh, trust me, you will be. You'll always be alone; with only your failures to keep you company  
  
"Leave me!" Obi shouted aloud in a trembling voice, finding sudden hot tears in his eyes.  
  
Fine, fine the voice conceded, but you'll want me around later…  
  
With considerable effort Obi slapped the panel to open the door to his quarters. He hesitated, then stepped in. He'd shared this place with Qui-Gon before, and everywhere he looked he found traces of his Master. Slowly he walked around, examining all the things that reminded him of Qui-Gon. A tedious task, considering nearly everything in the apartment had some trace of his old Master. From the frying pans sitting by the stove to the spare pair of boots outside his bedroom door- he was everywhere.  
  
"You certainly have a way with people," a gentle voice echoed from behind him. Obi spun around to find Qui-Gon seated leisurely on the sofa, his glowing ghost form sprawled out across it.  
  
"Master!" Obi breathed, a thousand emotions surfacing at once. He blinked hard and gulped, thinking that this was a dream.  
  
"You're not dreaming," the spirit informed him, "I wish you were, for Cadi's sake."  
  
"It- it was for the best," Obi choked out, hearing the how faithless the words really sounded.  
  
"Does it make you feel better to tell yourself that?" Qui asked, throwing him a disparaging glance.  
  
"She is better off without me," Obi turned his back to him, unable to hold his Master's gaze.  
  
"If you keep treating her like this, I'd say you're right," Qui said calmly.  
  
"I will not have her die because of me!" he shouted back hysterically, "I won't!"  
  
"Oh?" a transparent eyebrow lifted slightly, "You would prefer it if she were miserable for the rest of her life because of the damage you've done?"  
  
"Stop this Master! I'm doing the right thing, I know I am, the voice told me-"  
  
"What voice?" Qui-Gon's brow furrowed.  
  
"The voice in my head."  
  
"Obi-Wan, do you have any idea how crazy you sound?"  
  
"But it's true! I had a dream, and the voice told me that Cadi would die for my mistakes if I didn't break it off with her."  
  
"That could still happen," Qui pointed out, "she may very well die of a broken heart now, and whose fault would that be?"  
  
Obi felt bitter tears again stinging at the corners of his eyes, "Master, why do you taunt me so?" he whispered.  
  
"No one can taunt you without your sanction of it, Obi-Wan."  
  
"Whose voice was that then? Explain that to me!" he demanded.  
  
"It was your own."  
  
"Impossible! It sounded nothing like me, told me to do things I would never dream of doing-"  
  
The ghost sighed heavily, "It was your fear, Obi-Wan," he explained.  
  
Obi considered that for a long moment, the logic of it racking his brain. He had given in to his fear without even realizing it. How, with all his years of dedicated training, had it consumed his mind so easily? "Then I have already become an agent of evil," he shivered, a black pit of despair filling his vision.  
  
"Not so fast, there is still time to redeem yourself," the ghost said sternly. Obi spun around.  
  
"How?" his eyes widened with hope.  
  
"Do you really have to ask?" That said, Qui-Gon began to fade away…  
  
"Master, wait!" Obi cried out in a forlorn voice. But the spirit was gone, returned to whatever waited for him on the other end. "I miss you," he whispered into the darkness.  
  
***  
  
Cadi stared at the crusted wax still on the door and walls. She really should start taking it off. But she just sat there blankly on her bed, hugging her knees as she had a mental debate.  
  
I know it's not him, something else compelled him to do it…  
  
Like what?  
  
I don't know, he's so different since he came back.  
  
Of course he's different, people change.  
  
Not him, he's treated me the same way for ten years.  
  
All good things must come to an end.  
  
Yes, but not like this.  
  
How then?  
  
When the love fades, it hasn't yet.  
  
But it will.  
  
It hasn't yet.  
  
How can you be sure?  
  
I can feel it.  
  
It could be your imagination.  
  
No, you're my imagination.  
  
This is so.  
  
I'm driving myself nuts.  
  
Birds of a feather flock together, including you and your buddy there.  
  
Point.  
  
Thank you.  
  
Anytime.  
  
I should go now.  
  
Why?  
  
Because Obi-Wan's coming soon.  
  
I don't want to see him.  
  
I know.  
  
Indeed she had sensed his presence approaching, and now she stood up and neared the messy door. His boots barely made a sound against the polished floor. She took his under tunic that she was still wearing in her fist, absently taking in his scent. She couldn't look like she'd just been sitting here since he left. No, she had to look busy…  
  
Stuffing the under tunic under her pillow, she made her way to the refresher. She quickly doused her hair and body as the steamy jets streamed down onto her. Cadi off-handedly felt along the walls, realizing just how insecure this whole thing made her feel. She became grateful for the tepid lines of water forming rivulets down her face; they disguised the sudden tears flowing from her eyes.  
  
***  
  
"Cadi!" Obi knocked again, as if he really expected her to let him in. He sensed she was in the refresher, raw despair emanating from her unblocked energy. Sighing, he pressed his ear to the door and sharpened up his senses. The water was being shut off. Quietly he listened as soft footsteps crept across the floor, stopping just in front of the door.  
  
"What do you want?" a well-controlled voice came from the other side.  
  
"Cadi, don't be like that-" he began, quickly biting his tongue before he sounded anymore like a hypocrite.  
  
"What do you want?" she repeated. Obi took a deep breath.  
  
"I ought to shave my head with a lightsaber for what I did to you," he began.  
  
"What do you want, Kenobi?" she feigned irritation very well.  
  
"I want to say I'm sorry- that I wasn't in my right mind-"  
  
"Don't make excuses," she said sharply.  
  
"Right," he conceded, "You're right, there is no excuse. All I can possibly say for myself is that my grief left me open to the dark side-"  
  
"I know that wasn't you," she confessed.  
  
Obi paused his response as a group of initiates passed by him, trying hard not to get caught eavesdropping. He watched them walk out of earshot, then turned back to the door.  
  
"Cadi, can I come in?" he whispered. There was a long, painful pause; Obi held his breath.  
  
"No," she said at last, "I- I can't let you back in- not so soon."  
  
Obi huffed and looked around. At his feet he noticed there was red liquid seeping through the crack of her door.  
  
"Wax," he diagnosed as he touched the cooling crimson. Standing up again, Obi didn't know what else to say, "Please?"  
  
"No!" she shouted back, as if she were scolding a child, "What don't you understand?"  
  
"I understand, I just thought-"  
  
"You can't talk your way out of this one, Obi," the irritation this time was authentic.  
  
"Well I can't do much of anything else if you won't open the door!" he shouted back impatiently. He looked down again at the wax that pooled beneath the door. Stretching out with the Force, he visualized the shards clinging to the other side of the door. Slowly he maneuvered them…  
  
***  
  
What was he up to now? Cadi thought as she silently watched the crimson wax shift and mold on her door. She squinted, were those words he was making?  
  
They were, slowly but surely the flakes of red scrawled into letters, letters to words, words into stanzas. She stepped closer to read it:  
  
  
  
Today is gonna be the day  
  
That they're gonna throw it back to you  
  
By now you should've somehow  
  
Realized what you gotta do  
  
I don't believe that anybody  
  
Feels the way I do about you now  
  
Backbeat the word was on the street  
  
That the fire in your heart is out  
  
I'm sure you've heard it all before  
  
But you never really had a doubt  
  
I don't believe that anybody feels  
  
The way I do about you now  
  
And all the roads we have to walk along are winding  
  
And all the lights that lead us there are blinding  
  
There are many things that I would  
  
Like to say to you  
  
I don't know how  
  
Because maybe  
  
You're gonna be the one who saves me  
  
And after all  
  
You're my wonderwall  
  
Today was gonna be the day  
  
But they'll never throw it back to you  
  
By now you should've somehow  
  
Realized what you're not to do  
  
I don't believe that anybody  
  
Feels the way I do  
  
About you now  
  
And all the roads that lead to you were winding  
  
And all the lights that light the way are blinding  
  
There are many things that I would like to say to you  
  
I don't know how  
  
I said maybe  
  
You're gonna be the one who saves me  
  
And after all  
  
You're my wonderwall  
  
A small gasp escaped from Cadi's lips. She recognized the song, it was one from his favorite band, and how ironically fitting it was now. Sudden tears dropped from her eyelids. She slapped the panel to the door, the wax crumbling off as it slid open.  
  
***  
  
She was opening the door for him, Obi realized, he'd gotten through to her. Silently he took a step forward, a quick breeze whisking at his back as the door closed behind him.   
  
She stood in the middle of the room in a light bathrobe, her hair still dripping wet. The only light came from the still-burning candles. The soft violet light emanating from her bioluminescent eyes melded with the golden glow of the flames, casting soft shadows across her face.  
  
Obi risked another step forward, and in turn she took another step backward. "Cadi, I swear I'd never hurt you," he pledged.  
  
"You already have," she retorted, swallowing hard.  
  
"I know," was all he could say. She didn't reply. "I want to make it up to you," he blurted into the silence. She scoffed.  
  
"I don't see how," she averted her eyes.  
  
Obi took two longs steps forward. Cadi attempted to move back some more, but she found herself against the wall. Cautiously he raised a hand to her face, gently caressed her cheek and neck. Cadi drew in a sharp breath and shut her eyes. He sensed the conflict within her.  
  
"No," she said at last, firmly taking his wrist and wrenching it away from her face, "I don't want you touching me. If you want someone to fuck go to the lower levels and find yourself a whore," her voice cracked.  
  
"You know that's not what I want," he said indignantly.  
  
"Yeah? Could've fooled me," she retorted bitterly, then added quietly, "that's all you wanted me for, wasn't it?"  
  
"Cadi, no," he whispered, pulling her close to hug her. At first she let him do it, then tore away violently, a sob leaving her.  
  
"You've destroyed me, Obi-Wan," she said, "I hope you know that."  
  
Tap. Tap. Tap.  
  
Both of them spun around to stare at the door. Someone was knocking. Desperate for a distraction, Cadi rushed over and opened it.  
  
"Came immediately, I did," Yoda greeted quietly, making his way inside, "a great disturbance, I have felt"  
  
"Good evening, Master Yoda," Cadi quickly wiped away any signs of tears.  
  
"No need there is to conceal your emotions from me, already sensed them, I have," he turned his attention to Obi-Wan, "something to say have you, young Kenobi?"  
  
Obi looked baffled, "No- yes, Master Yoda," he threw a glance at Cadi, "I have done something terribly wrong."  
  
"Sensed this I have. Help you, I will?" his head swiveled back to Cadi.  
  
"Thank you, Master Yoda," she felt obligated to say, "but there is little anyone can do."  
  
"When dealing with love, we do, always hope there is," the tiny Master said calmly.  
  
Obi froze up. How had Yoda known of their relationship? "What is the hope you speak of Master?"  
  
"The hope, Obi-Wan Kenobi, is in you," Yoda explained, "When overcome the dark side, you did, learned of its seduction, you have." Again his head swiveled back to Cadi, "Forgive him, you must, Cadi Din."  
  
"I'm afraid that is something I cannot do, Master Yoda. He used me."  
  
"Never what cannot be done," he chided softly, "release your fear, you must." He held her gaze for a moment, then smiled widely, "Now kiss and make up, you will."  
  
The two Knights exchanged glances. Heaving a deep, releasing sigh, Cadi approached Obi-Wan. Tentatively he placed his arms around her, they hugged and she granted him a light kiss.  
  
"Happy, this makes me," Yoda's smile widened, then turned to go, "Remember this: the greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return," he regarded them a second longer. "Let myself out, I will." And with that, he was gone.  
  
As soon as the door slid shut, Obi scooped Cadi up in his arms.  
  
"What are you doing?" she asked knowingly.  
  
"I'm going to love you like you deserve to be loved," he said with resolve. Cadi seemed to digest that, her head leaning back to rest against him.  
  
"Obi-Wan?" she questioned gently as she toyed with the belt of her robe as he set her down.  
  
"Yes, my angel?" he rested his body on top of hers, his warmth sending tingles throughout her. She sighed.  
  
"You make things so difficult sometimes," she scorned.  
  
"I do, I really do," he agreed, eyes peering into hers, "but admit it, sometimes you think I'm all right," he smiled playfully. It felt good to smile again. Cadi looked glad to see it too.  
  
"Occasionally," she teased, "Maybe. When you're not acting like a scoundrel."  
  
"'Scoundrel?' Scoundrel," he repeated, leaning in for a kiss, "I like the sound of that."  
  
"So what happens to us now?" she whispered.  
  
"Now?" he thought, "We will have to see what destiny has in store for us."  
  
  
The End 


End file.
